Europe: the Final Countdown

I was trying to find a good example of cold war themed hair metal and this song came to mind. I’d always assumed it was about nuclear tensions or something, but after seeing the video and paying attention to the lyrics before posting I realized it’s not about that at all. It’s about, um…flying to venus?

When this song was a hit back in ’86 it was maddeningly ubiquitous — to the point that every time I heard that opening keyboard riff I wanted to jump out of a moving car. At the time hair metal had good taste and decorum against the ropes in a brutal grudge match. And it looked as if hair metal would win. What made this song doubly loathsome was that, beyond its general glam metal assault on taste, at its core the song is thoroughly wimpy. It’s based on a keyboard riff for one. Metal bands that even had keyboard players were suspect in the first place, but an entire song based on keyboards? Unacceptable.

Personally, this song has never grown on me and I think it deserves its status as semi-forgotten hit. The only reason anyone should hear this song, or–Lord help us–watch the video, these days is as a reminder of just how bad things got and as a cautionary tale for the children. Now I gotta listen to some Motorhead just to get my brain recalibrated.

Ozzy: Crazy Train

Ozzy. This is live in the studio gig from his bat-biting glory days. His outfit is amazing. Hard to believe he scared the shit out of so many preachers. And Randy Rhodes was badass.

Iron Maiden: The Number the Beast

This is the one that sounded the clarion call for me. I was a church boy down South– last day of school, eighth grade. Heard this song on a friend’s Walkman and nothing was ever the same. In retrospect the whole Satan trip is highly kitchy, but the at the time it was the most “evil” thing I’d ever come across. Scared me a little.

The video is  hilarious and kinda badass at the same time. My favorite part is the ballroom dancers inexplicably waltzing across the stage. The woman suddenly turns into a werewolf, or more accurately a person wearing a werewolf mask. And both their numbers (from the monster’s ballroom dancing competition?) are, of course, six. Obviously they are referencing the 666 theme, but there are only two of them, so they end up with 66. Oh well, two out of three ain’t bad.